Dear 17-Year-Old Me (September 30th, 2014)
Dearest, dearest 17-year-old Toni…
…What’s to say? You don’t know anything.
That may come off a little brash, but let’s be honest. That’s how we are. We are brash and honest and strong-willed and tough-loving, but we are also tender-hearted and we see things from every point of view. Everything about you now combined with everything you will become will have you well prepared for motherhood. Nelly won’t see it that way for a while, but that’s okay. It won’t seem okay when you get there, but she turns out. She turns out so well. Let her do the hair-dying thing and the ear piercing because she will never give you any more trouble than that. You honestly couldn’t have asked for a better daughter. I know it will be hard for you, but let her make her own decisions. You want to make your own decisions and so will she when she’s seventeen. She makes the right ones, just like you do. Believe it or not, you two will be the best of friends one day. Luke needs to know he does not need a girlfriend in middle school or high school and he needs to continue playing baseball competitively. That’s all I can tell you for Luke. Oh, and he turns out too. He turns out just fine.
Be patient with Dylan. You two aren’t the same person and even though it would make things so much easier if he could read your mind, he can’t. Use those great communications skills you already have and will refine even more. Communicate with the man. He married you for a reason. He’s telling me that I should let you know a few things: “God has everything happen for a reason; there are no coincidences. Don’t take memories for granted. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s happening around you, but in the not-so-great times remember that there’s more in your life than what is consuming you at the time. Also, any time we fight, disagree, miscommunicate, or if our love for each other is seemingly growing dull, remember how much I loved you when you were seventeen. I still love you that much now, and I’ll love you that much when we’re buried next to each other. You’re still my little fishy even though it’s been sixty years and that joke has grown old.” He is an amazing man and he treats you so well. Show him every once in a while how much you appreciate him and everything he has done for you and your family. Don’t ever hold back from kissing him, hugging him, or holding his hand. He deserves that much.
You need to love up on your mom. She loves you and your kids and your family and she needs to know that. She is the best friend you have ever and will ever have. Capture in your mind those moments where she’s a little too obnoxious for you, where she takes you out to coffee or dinner just because, when she’s the only one actually eager to hear about the stupidest thing that happened during the day which totally set you off. When she’s gone, you’ll miss her more than you even thought possible. Your dad needs love too, just in different ways. Spend time with him. He never confessed to it, but one of his favorite things to do when you were younger was to sit in the living room in silence just enjoying one another’s company as he watched TV and you did homework. As you get older, he’ll love watching you with your kids and coming along to tee-ball and soccer games. He just likes being there. Be there with him. He knows when you are.
I love you so much and I’m so proud of you and all you’ve done. Writing this letter and saying these things to myself feels strange, but I remember where you are right now and I know what you need to hear. The things you stress yourself out with now are understandable but are pebbles compared to the rocks and eventually boulders you will find yourself dodging (or attempting to dodge). If one happens to squash you, and it will happen once in a while, it’s up to you to push it off. Prayer and persistence will be the strength you need to get that sucker off you.
A few parting notes: Eating for health is more important than eating for taste. You’re going to want a three-bedroom house when you retire for family Thanksgivings and Christmases. The bible is a book you can reread twenty times and never get bored. Try all the wines (or as many as you can). Always remember the one stanza from that poem by Robert William Service. In college, don’t ever miss a class if you can help it. God is your best confidant. He is at seventeen and he will be at thirty, fifty, and seventy, and if you live your life like the book of Galatians advises you’ll be set.
All happiness,
77-year-old Toni.